Q & A "where does "sex" belong?"

Question & Answer section: This is a chance for you to participate in helping us all others to receive advice who are struggling with these issues. We all struggle in our walk as Christians and nobody is perfect. Romans 3:23-24 "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God; and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came through Christ Jesus." We encourage you to reach out to us as this will help everyone learn and understand from each other. (your answers to us will be posted anonymously and we will be posting our answers next week along with yours) We love you all! Please forward this link to everyone in hopes that more people will hear this message. If you have any prayer requests; please let us know as we would be honored to pray for you as your brother and sister in Christ! wordsfortheheart1@gmail.com
http://j.mp/RealLife-SexQuestions

Where does "sex" belong?

Please allow us to introduce ourselves. Our names our Matt and Sheree , we are two young professional singles (28 & 26 years old) who are far from perfect but have a heart for God to use our stories. Matt is a native Houstonian and graduate of U of H holding his degree in finance and is currently working in the commercial real estate brokerage/development field in Houston. Sheree is a native Arizonan and graduate of Baylor University holding her degree in Communication Sciences and Disorders, and is currently working as a local Speech Therapist Assistant here in Houston. We are about to take you on an incredible journey of how God has molded us through some tough times on the subject of sex. We will tell each of our stories first to give you a guys and girls view of some serious scars and pain we have accrued and then collaborate back together to dig into His word and answer some tough questions. Girls I pray you are as blessed as I was to hear Matt’s struggle and see how God has so mercifully changed his heart from being filled with the lust of the flesh to one that so humbly, intentionally and constantly seeks Him! Here’s his story:


Growing up in the church and having been saved since the age of 12, I have always been involved with the church. Thus, understood what it was to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I became involved with Royal Ambassadors (RA’s is like boy scouts but with the church) at a very young age. I was then very involved in a Christian youth group through my teenage years and attended a private Christian school during my high school years. My faith in Jesus continued to grow through these experiences. Still, I wasn’t completely obedient -- because of a personal struggles that began around the age of 15.


As a man who has struggled with the lust of the eyes, thoughts, and of the flesh, I wanted to write about the change of heart that I have experienced. (1 John 2:16; Matthew 5:28) Thinking back to a couple of years ago -- it is perhaps strange that I would be writing about the subject of sex before marriage and how far is too far. I never once realized the affect that I had on the women that I had been intimate with. I was placing my selfish desires before God’s will. Those desires lead to uncontrolled behavior and empty words on my part during my worldly pursuit of women. The result was broken hearts for them. Never once was there fulfillment for me in such relationships. Instead the result was broken hearts and bitter feelings. Finally - I was broken which led me to repentance and a contrite heart. It wasn’t until I began to read scriptures about such behavior and its consequences that I was able to realize their affects. Never did I realize the entirety of my body not being my own or the effects of my empty words. (I Corinthians 6:19-20). I had no idea how selfish I had been until I began to dig deeper into the Word. I hypocritically condemned women for being easy prey, after disarming them with less than honorable behavior. I confess to selfishness motives that were based on the desire for immediate gratification of the flesh. As a Christian, it is so important for one to hold to the truth and live according to the Living Word. (Hebrews 4:12-13)


If we profess to be a Christian and are involved with fornication, that is, "sex outside of marriage" then we are dishonoring the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6: 15-20) if one’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and one is thus united with the Lord. What really cuts deep to the heart for me is the fact that my body is a temple and I am taking Christ to bed with a girl every time I commit an act of sexual immorality “sexual intercourse or outercourse” with a girl. Aside from this -- in verse 16 it talks about "he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her body. “This is stated in Genesis 2:24 which is the footnote for this verse. A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." It is important to realize that God recognizes only husband and wife uniting as one together in the flesh. God doesn't honor you (a temple of the Holy Spirit) for taking his Son. Our “Messiah”, to bed with anyone other than what he recognizes -- “husband and wife”. Rather, you offend Him. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-7, it states that “each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband.” vs. 2 It’s important to realize why God designed sex for a man and a wife. Aside from procreation; God wanted sex to be confined within the covenant of a marriage. Hebrews 13:4, Acts 15:20, 1 Corinthians 5:1, 6:13, 18, 10:8, Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 3:5, Jude 7) It’s important to realize that fornication is a sin and some of the things that come from this sin are; unwanted pregnancies, more abortions, more sexually transmitted diseases, and more children growing up without both parents in their lives. “Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and, most importantly, honors God.” (sex before marriage)


Verse 6 of Ephesians 5:3-7 states: "Let no one deceive you with empty words: because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient" This verse really cuts straight to the heart for me because of the many things that I would formerly say to girls which had my selfish motives attached. As innocent as they might have been at the time; I knew that my intentions were selfish.


God has done a wondrous work on my heart and has allowed me to be free of the bondage that I once had. The thing about our struggles is THAT they never go away. It’s something we all have to work on. We are accountable to not give birth to such selfish desires. Once we give birth to these desires -- it becomes sin. (James 1: 14-15) I encourage you to reflect upon these scriptures when you are faced with temptations or employing deceptive, empty words. In the end -- it isn't worth it. Brief sexual gratification outside of marriage ultimately results in heavy burdens on the man and the woman. Guys I pray you are as blessed as I was to hear Sheree’s struggle and see how God has so mercifully changed her heart. Here’s her story:

I grew up in the strongest Christian home you could imagine. I became saved at the early age of six, was heavily involved in church, Awana’s, a solid Christian School, and later on went into teaching Sunday School classes, small groups and much, more. Although it seemed from the outside that I was rock solid, I very much struggled with living in complete unity to God’s word once I went to Baylor. Sex is one of the issues that falls so deep to my heart. A simple subject matter that has shattered my world and left me scars would take what felt like a lifetime to heal. It’s just sex, you say; “what’s the big deal”? First off, the Bible warns against it; John 14:15 states; “If you love me you will follow my commandments”. Now wait a minute our Father does not warn against it just because he desires to deprive us from something that our flesh lusts, no quite the contrary. He warns against it because He knows that the devil has taken what God meant for good and has turned it into evil. When practiced outside the marriage bed sex becomes a hurtful and dangerous thing to our spirit, heart, mind, and life. Girls get attached very easily; thus making sex and other degrees of physicalness in a relationship binding. (Matthew 19:4-6). As girls, sexual immorality is so much deeper than just the physical. It is emotional and causes attachment, which can lead to some serious self-esteem scars, and can paralyze us into dwelling on that one guy instead of focusing on His kingdom and our greater purpose.

So why do girls allow themselves to fall prey to guys if they know it destroys them emotionally? I believe we don’t do this intentionally, God made us to be nurtures and we desire to help and support others. Genesis 2:18; states that we were created to be man’s helper. We desire to be “needed” and loved, so when we are told things such as “you’re the only one for me” and “you make me happy”, our hearts melt and for a moment, we feel acceptance and our self-esteem is lifted. That donut size hole in our heart that craves acceptance and love is temporarily filled with empty words. Ephesians 5:6-7 warns against the dangers of empty words. Girls, at the end of the day these are only empty words. There is no commitment attached to them. Words do not create commitment; commitment creates Godly words. We as mature Christian ladies must guard our hearts; in Proverbs 4:23, King Solomon states that God commands us of this. When we don’t guard our hearts, we take these words as promises instead of holding true to God’s promises and this leads to a dangerous sequence of events. We suddenly become on a “high” of self-esteem and acceptance, and our bodies soon follow behind our emotions. Song of Solomon 8:4 says “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. When is the time right? Hebrews 13:4 makes it clear that sex is created for time of marriage and to be left in the marriage bed. So you may be thinking, ok, I’ve got the not having sex part down but all the other stuff is ok right; the cuddling, foreplay, etc.? Ephesians 5:3 tell us NO. This is a hard one to digest for myself because this is where I fell prey. I knew all through dating that going all the way, having complete sex was not ok, however what I failed to hold onto is that there was so much more that was equally as damaging and displeasing to my Father.

Somehow during my senior year in college, I started off strong from nothing more than my very first ever good night kiss; to quickly spiraling out of control up to that red tape. I fell prey to empty words and my physical actions soon followed my strong emotions. Ok, I thought; taking a nap on the couch together, no big deal….taking a nap in bed together fully dressed, no big deal….things progressed quickly within months…and the innocent game of compromise spiraled out of control. James 4:17 warns against such compromise. As a result of my disobedience I suddenly felt sick every day, knowing what I was doing was wrong. It went on to the point that although I had technically in the worlds view had not had actual “sex” in any form; I no longer felt qualified to wear my purity ring. I was being convicted hard! However, I was in a trap I could not get out of. I was living in sin (Romans 6:11-14). Although I felt convicted, my selfish heart enjoyed the empty words. I took the compliments, and acceptance I was given verbally as truth, because selfishly I felt Gods love and acceptance for me was not enough. I continued in my sin to keep the compliments and “love” coming. I selfishly convinced myself that this love was greater than Gods, and if I could just give enough physically without technically “going all the way” it would turn into something long lasting. Now, let me be clear; I take full responsibility for my actions, for I was the one that allowed my selfish heart to grab on to these empty words and encouraged them to keep coming. The following verse in Hebrew was my wakeup call; For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins (Hebrew 10:26). However, it would be a journey to get out of this sin that so tightly engulfed my heart.

Now let’s back up, I was a believer, I was going to church and I had Godly friends. This being the case, you might wonder how I got entangled in this. The answer was, I was not fully armored at all times during the extent of the relationship. In Ephesians 6:10-20 it talks about this armor, and how the armor is based on the sword of the spirit which is the word of God. Without the sword it is impossible to be dressed in the entirety of the armor. I would feel so incredibly guilty that the only way to subside my conscience was to begin cutting my devotional times in half, a quarter, till suddenly I was spending no time with God besides my Sunday church attendance. Psalm 1:2 stresses on the importance of staying in His word. I was not doing this; therefore, I was not equipped to fight my selfish emotional desires. Colossians 3:5 says to ‘Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry’. When we give ourselves physically to a guy, we are allowing him to have dominion over our hearts instead of keeping God dominion over our hearts. This is exactly what I had done. Little did I know I had created a very tight bond; one that would take several months of severe emotional distress to get through. During this time I was failing my heavenly work assignment by allowing myself to pay this high, emotionally paralyzing price only for those couple of moments of empty words and acceptance. The few moments that would deprive the Lord of several months of vital service from his servant; was not worth the pain and transgressions caused. Psalms 119:133 states “Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.” Girls, our hearts have to seek God first for our much needed emotional support and stability. We can not be seeking men for this. Matthew 6:33 tells us that we should not be consumed with our emotional desires but rather focused on God’s desires. Girls I beg you not to fall in the trap that I did. Your Father’s love is all you need! God cannot bring you the man that will help you advance His Kingdom if you fail to know His love first. Matthew 6:33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Girls I urge you to focus on His Kingdom; when you get to the point that He alone is enough and that no man can give you as much acceptance as God can; which he so clearly showed us by sending His one and only son to the cross (John 3:16), and not until then, is when the Lord can begin to fill that desire to be with someone to enhance His Kingdom. Guard your hearts, serve Him, and seek His will above all else. One more word of advice ladies, do not pursue guys; that is the job the Lord has granted to men. Men that love the Lord with their whole heart are turned off by women that run after them; they are made to pursue us! Furthermore, if you chase after them it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. Ephesians 5:23 tells us that the husband is to be head of their wife just as Christ is the head of the Church. The Church never pursued Christ; Christ has always pursued the Church. Let men fulfill their Godly duties and pursue you in preparation of how they should lead their marriage.

Girls, just know that you are loved by your father above. Whatever you may be dealing and feel like you can’t get out of; I want to help you. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me because I don’t want to see you get trapped in your situation.

To the guys, I encourage you contact me via email mattreallife@gmail.com if you have any questions on this topic or seek other godly men who you may know if you are not comfortable in approaching me directly. I pray that I have the opportunity to pray with you and discuss anything you would like to talk about.

To the ladies, I encourage you contact me via email shereereallife@gmail.com if you have any questions on this topic or seek other godly women who you may know if you are not comfortable in approaching me directly. My heart behind writing this was to share Christ’s love and concern for you ladies over this issue. Writing this was probably one of the most difficult things I have done, however if it helps even one of you that reads this; then praise His name! If you have any prayer requests; please let us know as we would be honored to pray for you as your brother and sister in Christ! wordsfortheheart1@gmail.com Please forward this link to everyone in hopes that more people will hear this message.

Getting to the Heart of What Matters- About Us

Getting to the Heart of What Matters

By Sheree and Matt

Being two young Christian individuals trying to truly live in the heart of God, we decided that we needed to share our convictions on some key topics that we as young men and women struggle with today. We feel it is important to open these thoughts and ideas for discussion so that true accountability partnerships can be established. In doing so, this will allow for true Christian friendships to develop and grow in a Godly manner. We feel these subject matters are not addressed enough; and instead the world continues to desensitize these issues through the media and pop culture. Through this desensitization; Christian doctrine becomes swayed and watered down because of how far we have ran from God as a whole. It is important for “the body (church)” to constantly be in the Word of God in order for us to sharpen each other. Proverbs 27:17 NLT “As iron sharpens Iron so a friend sharpens a friend”

Our greatest strength as Christian Brothers & Sisters is the Bible; it judges the hearts and the thoughts and “is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives.”

Hebrews 4:12-13

12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.”
Please invite your friends to this blog as we feel that God will use this to shape and mold our hearts; as we get to the Heart of what Matters!
What’s to come you may be asking? Our first subject we will address is one that we feel is probably the biggest struggle among young Christian singles; “Sex Outside of the Marriage Bed” and “How far is too far?”. From there we will go on to subjects such as God’s Love, God's Will vs. Man's Worry, Grace and Truth, Dealing with False Teachers, Standing firm in the faith, Perseverance, Witnessing, The power of the tongue, Baptism, Desires to be obedient, Discipleship, God's Submissive Will and God's Perfect Will and much more. Get ready to join us on an incredible journey as we look at these subjects from both a female and male perspective. Be praying for us that God gives us wisdom and guidance as we do our best to use our imperfect human minds to address these issues with Godly wisdom, direction, and ultimately HIS WORD.

Hebrews 12:13-14

“Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong. Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will see the Lord.”

The views or opinions stated in the resources collected here do not reflect those of any Church or Biblical group.
What’s to come you may be asking? Our first subject we will address is one that we feel is probably the biggest struggle among young Christian singles; “Sex Outside of the Marriage Bed” and “How far is too far?”. From there we will go on to subjects such as God’s Love, God's Will vs. Man's Worry, Grace and Truth, Dealing with False Teachers, Standing firm in the faith, Perseverance, Witnessing, The power of the tongue, Baptism, Desires to be obedient, Discipleship, God's Submissive Will and God's Perfect Will and much more. Get ready to join us on an incredible journey as we look at these subjects from both a female and male perspective. Be praying for us that God gives us wisdom and guidance as we do our best to use our imperfect human minds to address these issues with Godly wisdom, direction, and ultimately HIS WORD.
Hebrews 12:13-14

“Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong. Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will see the Lord.”

The views or opinions stated in the resources collected here do not reflect those of any Church or Biblical group.
Hebrews 12:13-14
“Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong. Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will see the Lord.”

The views or opinions stated in the resources collected here do not reflect those of any Church or Biblical group.
“Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong. Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will see the Lord.”
The views or opinions stated in the resources collected here do not reflect those of any Church or Biblical group.
The views or opinions stated in the resources collected here do not reflect those of any Church or Biblical group.